Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
