Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
