Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
