Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
