That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
