How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize