I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
