you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
