yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
