Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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