I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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