Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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