your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
