Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
