so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
