Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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