Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
