How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
soo... how was my night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
