I just saw a hot homeless man
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
