I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
