The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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