Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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