Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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