Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
