Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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