Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
