Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
