I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
