you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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