I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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