The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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