No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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