I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
