I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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