At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
