she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
