omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
