so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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