My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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