last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
