I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
