Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
