Your face is a jimmy john
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
