Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
