why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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