Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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