she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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