Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
