If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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