I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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