new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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