My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Send help, water and tortillas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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