my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
