so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
