How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
