I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
