Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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