My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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