On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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