I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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