just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
