I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
