you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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