I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
