What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
