the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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