Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
