Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
