Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
