There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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